Stunted Growth

So without going into too much detail. Our daughter isn’t growing the way she should be. There really isn’t a lot more I can tell you. We know the results of her recent tests, but they want to do more. We’re seeing a specialist at the end of the month and in the mean time we’re playing the waiting game.

We’re pretty nervous and emotional. Hubby got this horrible flu bug the day after we got the news and compound that with nursing school schedule, work, and family crisis, well… you get one sick guy.

No one ever expects something to be wrong with their child. You hope and pray for a normal, perfectly healthy kid. And then when something happens you don’t really know what to do or how to react.

The only thing we do know for certain is that we love our baby girl so much, and we love her just the way she is. We wouldn’t change a thing. Heavenly Father knows her personally and he knew she would have these problems. All we can do at this point is trust in Him.

So we do our best, and even though we ache inside we know everything will be OK in the end. In the meantime… we wait.

X-rays and blood tests

My daughter gasped for air in between her sobs. I could feel her heart beating like a hummingbird inside her tiny chest. Her eyes looked to me imploringly and I cried in between humming her favorite song.

Our baby had to go in for X-rays today. I don’t want to go into details of her health history online for the world to see, but I will tell you that she is having some problems, and it breaks my heart. Right now we are anxiously waiting on test results and doctor evaluations.

It’s so heartbreaking to see your child suffer, and she really seemed to suffer through that X-ray. I kept trying to explain to her what was going on, to calm her little fears, but to no avail.

I couldn’t help but think that the situation was somewhat similar to situations we adults go through with our Heavenly Father. I hesitate to mention analogies like this because I don’t want to trivialize anyone’s pain. I know that there are people really hurting, people that are having a hard time understanding why they are going through what they are going through. And yet the analogy kept coming to my mind as I held my daughter.

Sometimes I’m the one asking why so loudly that I can’t hear the Lord’s response. Sometimes when I’m freaking out asking why I have to go through this the Lord is whispering in my ear,

“I know. I’m sorry you’re hurting, but this is for the best. This is something you need to do.”

I ran across this quote the other day and it keeps fitting itself perfectly into my life.
Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote:

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”

I thank the Lord every day for my life, for my husband and daughter and family, but I also ask Him for a lot of things. And I don’t always get those things, but I do feel Him with me. Today He was with me and my family. I don’t know what I would do if He wasn’t because I really needed him. This hurts. I hurt. But I’m so glad to know that He will figuratively hold me as I sob, wrapping me in His love and letting me cry.