She screamed and cried and groaned. Her tears are so big and her cries are so pleading. It must be hard to be a baby, unable to really relay your fears, unsure of how to control your body, completely dependent on others to take care of every want and need. The doctor told us our daughter is a little bit colicy, although I don’t think we really needed her to tell us. We are pretty well aware of her preponderance for fussing. My in-laws keep bringing up my husband’s infamous cousin who, “cried for a year straight”, if you’re reading this you know who you are :). I understand the connection but it doesn’t make me feel any better, ‘You mean this could last how many more months?’ Is what I feel like saying.
I think what I hate most of all is when people ask me if she’s a good baby. I know that they are meaning to ask whether or not she cries a lot and I don’t know what to say. Of course she’s a good baby! No baby is bad. So she cries, that doesn’t change the fact that she is the most adorable, loveley, sweet person I have ever met in my life. I know it isn’t meant to say that she is bad, it’s more a question to ask how I’m doing and I’m grateful to the people that care. I just don’t know what to say. Truth be told I think she is starting to move on past the crying stage. She seems to cry less and less each night, but it’s still hard.
Tonight she only fussed for an hour. I lay down next to her and stroked her arm as she cried. Then she looked into my eyes and was quiet, she smiled, and reached out to grab my face. It was by no means a gentle caress. She reached out and grabbed hard, getting a little hair in the process, but it was one of those moments when you know for certain that if this little person could talk she would be saying, “I love you too mom”. And suddenly it’s all so worth it. The crying, the fussing, even the occasional screaming is all worth the eternal reward of being connected to this person that you love and that loves you. She fell asleep soon after, and I watched her doze. I love you my darling. You can always cry on my shoulder.