new mom

She’s asleep on my chest right now.

As I breathe in and out I watch her rise and fall, she’sĀ listening to my heart beat. She’s so beautiful.

We did a pretty good job last night, sleeping until about 3 a.m. at which point baby decided it was time to be held and the screaming ensued. So I am again exhausted. But she’s worth it. She won’t understand the sleepless nights, the mastitis, or the worry until she’s a mother herself, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be, we do it because we love her, and we expect nothing in return.

My life has changed so much in the last few days! Less than two weeks after graduating from college I became a mother and suddenly life wasn’t about me anymore. I went from being a full time student and working part time in marketing to beingĀ a full time stay at home mom. I still run my small photography business, and I’m doing freelance writing on the side, but I went from running from place to place, completely independent, to staying home with a child who is completely dependent on me. And what’s even crazier, I went from wanting a career to wanting nothing more than to take care of my baby. I was warned I would have a hard time being home considering my previous life style, but I haven’t experienced that yet. All I’m experiencing right now is pure love for my baby.

She feels safe on my chest, as we relax together, and I can’t help but think – this is where I’m meant to be.

Almost there

So, I don’t think I did one blog post during my second trimester. K, maybe one, but that was early on. Ironically, it was easily my favorite one. I finally was able to understand why some people consider pregnancy to be a joy. I wasn’t nauseas, I wasn’t huge, and I wasn’t dog tired. It was great! Still, the trimester didn’t go off without a hitch. Unfortunately, I was exposed to CMV at work, and endured a weekend of fear as my husband and I worried about whether or not I contracted the disease. CMV can cause severe mental handicap, blindness, deafness, and even death to a fetus. It was a truly scary time, but my husband and I were able to pray and find comfort, knowing that the Lord has a special plan for our baby and he is ultimately in charge.

Lately, as d day gets closer and closer, I worry about my indaquecies and how I’ll be able to care for another life. I worry about the responsibility that comes with motherhood, amazed that the Lord is willing to trust us with his children. He sends these perfect spirits to us, and we can only hope we don’t mess them up. Well, no matter how much I worry she’s coming soon, so I guess I just need to keep trusting that everything will work out.

Here’s to my baby girl. I love her so much, and I’m so excited to hold her in my arms.