Have you ever noticed that you’ll say things to family members that you would never say to a friend or acquaintance? I mean, family has to keep loving you so it’s OK to just get it off your chest right? I’ve been subject to that attitude before – I’ve even been party to it, but I don’t think it’s right.
First of all, there’s a difference between discussing a grievance and letting yourself get out of control. We can express ourselves without yelling, screaming, and name calling.
Sometimes we think that if we shout something it’s more likely to be heard, but in reality it’s the exact opposite. By shouting we trigger that fight or flight response in whoever we’re talking to. The next thing you know, their logic is being hi-jacked by adrenaline and instead of listening to how we feel, they’re defending themselves.
It also triggers adrenaline in ourselves so instead of listening to a response, we’re just thinking about our own grievances. It doesn’t help the situation. It doesn’t make things better.
(based on my own anecdotal evidence)
I remember as a little kid seeing movies where the hero or heroine would finally get fed up and get in a shouting match with someone. The shouting match would somehow make whoever was in the wrong realize what they did, and everything would be solved.
It makes for good drama, but it also perpetuates this myth that we can treat each other without respect and everything will work out fine.
The truth is, our family relationships are sacred. Our homes are sacred, and we defile them when we allow pride to become more important than peace.
I hope you don’t think I’m saying this because I”m perfect at it, because I am so not! And my family isn’t perfect at it. But we’re working on it, and that’s what I want this blog to be all about. Trying to be the best you can be, working towards the most amazing lives possible.
So that’s my long rant about this week’s printable – as usual free for noncommercial use :)