I wake up every morning between six and seven to the sound of Little Lion announcing that she is awake. I feed her, bathe her, and dress her. We do a mini pre-school that lasts about five minutes and then begin our day. It consists mostly of cleaning and playing. Sometimes Little Lion is very well-behaved and loving, giving me constant hugs and asking for story time. Others are characterized by a screaming toddler who WON’T have her diaper changed…. period.
It’s exhausting. It’s fulfilling. It’s wonderful. But lately, as I go about my day there is a constant underlying worry. How the heck am I going to do this with two? With every daily task, I contemplate how this could possibly work with a babe in arms.
I remember how hard it is to have a newborn. It’s really hard. You grow from it. You learn from it. Your abilities to feel love and compassion are strengthened, and you’re tested through it all.
How will I do that with a toddler? Whenever I ask other mothers how they did it, I get the same response. You just do. You have to, so you do.
I remember back when we first found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled, but as always there was worry bubbling just beneath the surface. I remember kissing my hubby, waving him off to work, and thinking about the challenges ahead. I was immediately encompassed with warmth and comfort as the words ‘You can do this’ came to my mind. I can’t quite describe the emotions that came to my heart after that.
I knew that Heavenly Father loves me. I knew that He loves my family. I knew without a doubt that He wants me to raise this baby at this time, and I knew that He believes I can do it.
So even though I’m weak and I continue to worry and wonder as I go throughout my day. The worry doesn’t quite reach a fever pitch, and every so often I find it within me to let go and just trust. To have faith that I can do it… and do it well… and when it feels like it’s too hard to do alone, I won’t really be alone, because my Heavenly Father will be there. When I can do that, when I can have faith like that, well, those are the moments when I can really relish in the gift I’ve been given. The gift of motherhood. Ironic that such a wonderful gift is accompanied by so many worries. But when something is really worth it, it doesn’t come easy.