Preparing for number two

I wake up every morning between six and seven to the sound of Little Lion announcing that she is awake. I feed her, bathe her, and dress her. We do a mini pre-school that lasts about five minutes and then begin our day. It consists mostly of cleaning and playing. Sometimes Little Lion is very well-behaved and loving, giving me constant hugs and asking for story time. Others are characterized by a screaming toddler who WON’T have her diaper changed…. period.

It’s exhausting. It’s fulfilling. It’s wonderful. But lately, as I go about my day there is a constant underlying worry. How the heck am I going to do this with two? With every daily task, I contemplate how this could possibly work with a babe in arms.

I remember how hard it is to have a newborn. It’s really hard. You grow from it. You learn from it. Your abilities to feel love and compassion are strengthened, and you’re tested through it all.

How will I do that with a toddler? Whenever I ask other mothers how they did it, I get the same response. You just do. You have to, so you do.

I remember back when we first found out we were pregnant. We were thrilled, but as always there was worry bubbling just beneath the surface. I remember kissing my hubby, waving him off to work, and thinking about the challenges ahead. I was immediately encompassed with warmth and comfort as the words ‘You can do this’ came to my mind. I can’t quite describe the emotions that came to my heart after that.

I knew that Heavenly Father loves me. I knew that He loves my family. I knew without a doubt that He wants me to raise this baby at this time, and I knew that He believes I can do it.

So even though I’m weak and I continue to worry and wonder as I go throughout my day. The worry doesn’t quite reach a fever pitch, and every so often I find it within me to let go and just trust. To have faith that I can do it… and do it well… and when it feels like it’s too hard to do alone, I won’t really be alone, because my Heavenly Father will be there. When I can do that, when I can have faith like that, well, those are the moments when I can really relish in the gift I’ve been given. The gift of motherhood. Ironic that such a wonderful gift is accompanied by so many worries. But when something is really worth it, it doesn’t come easy.

Comments

  1. I know it can be scary… I have only had to deal with one child at a time. I do believe that Heavenly Father will watch over you… I do know it is hard to keep the faith when we are scared… I will pray for you:)

  2. Alison Caughey says:

    The Lord doesnt give us things we cant manage. When you have number two, you will realise how easy having just one was. However, it is great to see how this relates to our lives in general when a trial comes along and we think we cant cope, then we endure and another one comes and we think the last was easy in comparison.
    I worried about having enough love for another child, how could I love another as much as I love this one? and the answer is we are wonderful creations of our Heavenly Father who have potential beyond our understanding :)
    You will be a wonderful mother of two, I can just feel it !

  3. Amber Mae says:

    Thank you so much for the supportive comments! I know it will be hard, but I’m grateful that I also know it will be worth it :)