toilets, embarrassment, and judgement

toiletDid you know that I’ve had a toilet sitting outside my door for a year? It’s true. After replacing said toilet with a working model, we just can’t seem to get around to disposing of the old one. It might have something to do with our inability to fit the toilet in our car. Or perhaps it has something to do with our own laziness. It’s kind of a long story, and there are a lot of factors that contribute to the fact that it’s there, but the point is, it’s embarrassing. I mean, most people have dirty laundry, but it’s nice and hidden in a hamper – with a lid – behind a closed door – not sitting next to the main entry way into your home. I’m thinking of planting a flower in it. Maybe then it will say, we have a REALLY quirky sense of humor! Rather than, we are WHITE TRASH! Feel free to eat the goodies I drop by your house. They are SO sanitary.

Yeah… so why am I telling you about the embarrassing toilet next to my door? Well, because I just got through looking at all the perfect projects by perfect people on Pinterest and I just felt this NEED to admit my own imperfection. ‘Cause I’m a blogger, ’cause I’ve had 6,400 pinterest referrals in the past year, and ’cause I don’t want anyone to stumble on my blog and think that I’m one of those perfect pinterest people who has it all figured out, is perfectly organized, and spends every spare moment either cleaning or creating cute projects.

No, the truth is I’m just an ordinary human. I try. I try really hard. Some days I take a step forward, other days I take a step back, all in all I like to think I’m improving. But please never look at my musings and attempts and projects and feel bad about yourself. In fact, please don’t look at anyone’s blog and assume that person is perfect. I mean, Martha Stewart spent how long in jail?

Shifting gears a little, I was at the grocery store the other day and I accidentally overheard two separate conversations. The first was a woman who was calling another woman a twit for spending too much money. The other was a woman calling another woman a fatty.

My heart sank a little. It sank even more when I thought about the times I’ve thought or said similar things. Why are we women so darn judgmental? Why do we play the comparison game so much? I bet that those women both judge themselves even more harshly than they were judging others – which is saying something ’cause they were both spitting up toxic sludge.

Listening to it was kind of like seeing a toilet next to their doorway. Thinking about it was kind of like remembering that I too have a toilet next to my doorway. And now I’m blogging about it. In a vain attempt to ask that as women we love and support each other, and when we see toilets, let’s remember our own toilets before judging. Because I can’t be the only one with a toilet outside my doorway… oh… I am? Well, I can’t be the only one with dirty laundry and imperfections, and no I did NOT feed my daughter fritos and raisins for dinner the other day, where on earth did you get that idea from? (long story that involves my family being lost at night 100 miles away from home)

Any-who, Here is a list of 20 things we can do INSTEAD of judge each other:

1. give a genuine compliment

2. give an anonymous 10 dollar bill (when you know someone is struggling)

3. bring dinner

4. just call and chat

5. reminisce

6. tell a good joke

7. give a hug

8. pray for her and her family

9. pray with her

10. think about what you would do in her situation – conversation/ways to uplift will come naturally

11. show up with paper plates (because dishes stink)

12. offer to baby sit

13. bring your kids over to visit if she’s an empty nester

14. just listen

15. Leave her a happy note

16. Share a funny youtube video

17. Share an awesome music video

18. if she’s comfortable with it – clean something for her

19. if she’s comfortable with it – do some yard work for her

20. go for a walk with her

If you have any additions for the list or comments just click on the comments button at the top of the post.

P.S. someone please make me feel better about my toilet





  1. Oh Amber, you are such an amazing woman. I loved this post.
    About the toilet – I think you need to leave it there at least through Halloween for a “scary” decoration. :)

    • Aww, Thanks Mia :) That’s a good idea about the toilet. We could put some cobwebs on it and a skeleton hand reaching out or something.

  2. Amber may be…the only one with a toilet outside,or maybe she isn’t…we have a neighbor who has a toilet outside and every time we walk by we get to see it,it has flowers growing in it also… some are real,maybe some are fake either way it’s funny,crazy,eye catching and so little miss Amber maybe no need to be embarrassed,you are not the only one ….or maybe you are…maybe you are my neighbor,who ever knows in this world wide web who your neighbors are or if there is more than one great toilet with flowers growing in it…I live in southern Utah,in Equestrian pointe….

  3. Tamara,

    It’s not me, but I’m glad to know I’m not the only one.
    Thanks for the sweet comment Tamara :)