The One Day at Church That Changed the Way I Mother Forever

The One Day At Church That Changed the Way I Mother Forever

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Like there’s just too much to do, and no way to do it, let alone do it all with a smile?

I do. It’s those days that make me think I might be failing at motherhood. It’s those days that make me feel like I’m alone. The days that lead me to question, what am I doing wrong? How will I make it through this?

But, often, those are also the days when I receive mercy. They are the days when I receive reminders. I’m not alone. I can do this. Everything will be Okay.

On one particular day like that, I received more than just mercy. I received a change of perspective that I hope to never forget, because it changed the way I mother forever.

It was a Sunday, and my husband had worked the night before, so I got up early to get the kids ready for church by myself.

At the time, I had a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a nursing infant.

We were having particular trouble with the two-year-old. He is a naturally sweet boy with a wild and silly side. His silly side didn’t know when to turn off and getting him ready for church could take as long as an hour. I must confess, at times like this, I often got frustrated and resorted with threatening, punishment, and raised tones in order to reach our destination.

This Sunday was particularly bad, still, I somehow managed to get the kids in the car, out of the car, and into church before the meeting began. We even found a bench to sit on.

Things were going okay. I took a deep breathe as the baby fell asleep on my chest. That’s when my two-year-old started to act up again.

“Shhh, It’s time to be reverent.” I whispered.

I don’t remember his exact response, just that it was loud and inappropriate. I continued to whisper to him, trying my hardest to wrangle him without disturbing the baby. It wasn’t working. 

I felt stuck. If I moved, I would wake the sleeping baby, who probably hadn’t slept well the night before (knowing the sleeping patterns of this particular child). If I didn’t move, the entire congregation would be subjected to my two-year-old’s distracting chatter.

I said a silent prayer, “Lord, please help me. Please tell me what to do.”

I got an immediate answer. A thought came to my mind.

“Love him.”

“What?”

“Just Love him.”

“What do you mean? How do I just love him. I do love him, but how does that help me right now?”

I started to cry. I was sleep deprived, confused, and so inadequate.

That’s when my little boy took my face in his hands.

“Mommy? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

And I knew I had an opportunity to love him, to explain to him with love, not threats, not punishments, but with love, why I needed him to behave.

“Because, sweetie, mommy loves church and mommy wants to listen, but she can’t do that when you’re noisy.”

“You need me to whisper?” He said in the loudest whisper imaginable.

“Yes. I love you so much honey. Can you be reverent for me?”

I got a great big kiss, a great big hug, and a wiggly, but trying to whisper two-year-old.

We made it through the meeting. We made it through, and I knew that I wasn’t really alone. The Lord would help make up for my inadequacies, and when I parent with love I get much better results than when I allow my stress to parent for me.

The story doesn’t end there. Later, when they asked for parenting experiences in a women’s meeting, I shared what had happened. So many of my sweet sister’s came up to me after and expressed regret that they didn’t know I was often at church by myself.

Since that day, when I’m at church without my husband, I have always had offers of help. The two single sisters who are happy to hold the baby for me, or the teenager who will play with my daughter, or even the older gentlemen who will make eye contact and smile at my son. These people have further reminded me that I’m not alone, and shown me that if I need help, I need only make it known.

I wish I could say that my parenting changed over night, but as with all things, it takes time. I’m still working on it, but in the back of my mind, when I’m faced with a challenging situation with my kids, I already know the answer to my question. What should I do? Love them, just love them.

 

Positive affirmations for mothers

I remember before I had kids. My love for children led me to multiple jobs with kids. Parents often asked me if I was getting my degree in teaching (I wasn’t) and complimented me on my kid skills. I was pretty sure I had this parenting thing wired. There were even a couple of times I was able to address behavioral problems that parents were having difficulty with. I was amazing. I was confident.

Then I had children of my own.

Oh. Man.

With other people’s kids I was great, but with my own little darlings… not so much. I found myself losing my patience. I yelled. I got overwhelmed. I dealt with several nasty bouts of postpartum depression. I let them watch TV *gasp*. Basically I discovered that mothering is hard, really hard.

And I just kept making it harder on myself. How? By hanging on to unrealistic expectations. I remembered my pre-child self and expected my post child self to be the same person, to be just as good with my own children as I am with a strangers.

I was missing a big part of the picture. For one, I was missing the fact that I am with my children Every. Single. Day. *big breath* All. Day. Long. I don’t get a break to recharge. I can’t be expected to have an infinite supply of patience. Second, I was missing that I love my kids a whole lot more than I love someone else’s kids (although I did love the kids I worked with). This makes everything more personal, my emotional response to my children’s misbehavior is completely different from my emotional response to another child. Learning to temper that response isn’t an overnight thing. I’m a work in progress. I have to give myself the chance to figure this thing out, because I won’t do it perfectly right from the get go.

I have always been a bit of a perfectionist. I often focus so hard on the achievement part of the journey that I forget to take a step back and enjoy where I am right now, because where I am right now is not only enough it’s wonderful, even when where I am right now feels like a step backwards.

I love this quote from President Gordon B Hinckley.

“Please don’t nag yourself with thoughts of failure. Do not set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. Simply do what you can do, in the best way you know, and the Lord will accept of your effort.”

Do not set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. Simply do what you can do, in the best way you know how, and the Lord will accept your effort.

Whether you are religious or not I think that quote is inspiring. It challenges all of us to accept our own best efforts, to accept ourselves, right now, where we are on our journey today.Tweet: Our quest for bettering ourselves shouldn’t come at the cost of our own happiness.

The fact is, during the parenting journey we will all mess up, we will all have days we aren’t proud of, but if we dust ourselves off and get back up, we can still be happy with who we are now.

I’m all full of quotes today, but here’s another one that I love by Mary Anne Radmacher

“Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.

My positive affirmations for sons and daughters are still some of my most popular posts, but today I was thinking that sometimes I need some positive affirmations as well. So I’ve created another free printable (for noncommercial use) that is specifically for mothers. I hope it brightens your day and reminds you that you are OK wherever you are on your journey today. If you want to print it out and hang it up, please do, I would be honored.

I love my children without limit. I am strong, strong enough to weather any storm. I give myself permission to make mistakes, and I will make mistakes, after, I will apologize and start over. I accept myself where I am right now. I a mother

Affirmation: I love my children without limit – I am strong – strong enough to weather any storm – I give myself permission to make mistakes – and I will make mistakes – after, I will apologize – and start over – I accept myself where I am right now – I am a mother

 

Don’t Spill the Blessings! Another Fun Family Home Evening Idea

fun family home evening ideas, family home evenings for small children

Lately my kids are all about the classic game,Don’t Spill the Beans. My two-year-old calls it Don’t Drop the Beans, so cute! If you aren’t familiar with this game, it’s a cause and effect game where you take turns dropping beans into a swinging “pot” but if you put too many beans in the pot could […]

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How any mom can finish her to do list + an easy craft

2

63% of professionals use to-do lists, at least according to a linkdn study published in 2012, but, according to the same study, only 11% of those professionals complete them. Can I get an amen to that? As a stay at home mom I have to be self motivated and organized or my home gets chaotic…fast…like […]

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New Year New FHE – Goal Setting FHE for 2016

Even the most humble person can take hope in the invitation to become like the Savior

This Family Home Evening Idea was largely inspired from the talk Our Perfect Example by Henry B Eyring. It’s a beautiful talk and I highly recommend reading it. I love that it takes a commandment that I always found daunting (to be perfect) and makes it feel encouraging. I’m sure that’s what our loving Heavenly Father […]

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Preparing For General Conference – October 2015

birdfruit

Hubby and I were talking about how to prepare our family for general conference. We mainly focused on ways to keep the kids calm so we can hear what’s going on. Hubby suggested a snack for every apostle. I thought it was a great idea and came up with some fun stuff. The plan is […]

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DIY nursing top, or how to make a low tank modest

DIY Nursing tops

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DIY nursing shawl

DIY nursing shawl

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Family Home Evening Idea – The Honey Bee and the Yellow Jacket – a lesson on honesty

I found a similar picture online and made my own version by hand :)

Hubby and I have been talking a lot lately about how to teach our children values. One of the things we’ve been doing is tying our parenting back to a series of family rules we came up with together. So far, it’s made our parenting more consistent and it has helped us give solid answers […]

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The Savior Taught us to Love – Free printable

the savior taught us to love - Elder Neil L Andersen

Ah general conference. The time when we can assemble together (whether physically or technologically) and renew our faith. I love it! Here’s one of my favorite quotes so far. It’s from Elder Andersen’s talk: “The Savior taught us to love not only our friends but also those who disagree with us.” I pray that I […]

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